


Petals To Fall

by SaranghaeShelby



Category: Young Justice - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Flowers, Hanahaki Disease, I wrote this awhile back, M/M, Misunderstandings, koy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2020-11-08 22:28:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20843039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaranghaeShelby/pseuds/SaranghaeShelby
Summary: All Roy had to do was smile at him one time and the flowers bloomed, a petal to fall from parted lips and gasps of air to quicken in pace. He had fallen before he knew it and now he and his soul were wrapped in vines with lillies and roses sprouting from his throat. It was only a matter of time.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hanahaki disease is an illness born from unrequited love. Symptoms are the vomitting and coughing of flowers and flower petals. In order for the patient to fully recover, their love must be returned. It is important to note that this disease is, in fact lethal. If the flowers are allowed to continually grow, they will ultimately cut off the air to the patient's lungs; causing death from asphyxiation. The infection can be removed by surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals. Memory loss of the person who was the reciever of these feelings is not uncommon.

Every flower has its thorns. That was what King Orion had told him once, Kaldur's pretty sure. He hadn't been paying attention at the time and had been too busy with other things. Boundless energy beneath his skin bursting having made it very difficult for him to stay in one place for long. Maybe that is why Orion had been so ready that summer for him to start the team. Really,that was beside the point, but looking back now.....Kaldur can't help thinking that maybe he should have listened more. Maybe then he would know more of what to do and how to react.

He had known what Hanahaki Disease was for a long time. When he had been in school it had been a hard topic to avoid. There was always talk about who had been seen with petals falling from their lips, what color the flowers were, and who was dealing with getting them removed. The words had buzzed around him like angry jellyfish trying to sting at his skin. So many times he had also been asked if he had felt the taste of flowers and petals blossoming from his mouth yet. 

His answer had remained no.

During the summer, even Garth had brought it up, had talked about who was talking to who and who was in love with who. He had asked about it and he had simply ignored him. Then, he had got into the hero buisness and the topic seemed to drift into the background......until he had met Jason.

That was the first time Kaldur had ever felt his heart flutter the way it had. It was the first time he had ever been drawn to somebody in such a way.

But it didn't last. Maybe, that was for the best, all things considered. To this day, he can still recall with perfect clarity, the pain that he had felt with that betrayal....and he knew, somehow, that would be something that he would become accostumed to. And he had been right. The feeling of betrayal was an ever present presence in the back of his throat. It ate away at him and made his saliva taste like bile and sick that slipped back down to his stomach to rot him from the inside out. Even from a such a young age, he had wondered if the bitter taste of flowers and unrequited love would be better.

He's still not sure how he would answer that question.

At the very least, he had gained the confidence to tell Garth about his secret. At the very least, he had accepted him just as he was, between the bickering and the fighting. Because through all of that, deep down, they were still best friends after all the hell they had gone through together.

After Jason, it had been Opal. There had been no flowers blooming to greet her from his parted lips as he did his damndest to impress her. He felt sick, as if a fist had gone straight through his gut when the reality had set back in with that. She had only liked him for who she thought he might be and what he could potentially do. That had cracked open parts of his chest that had taken blood and bone to heal. Still, no flowers bloomed, but somehow an echo of feelings stubbornly remained.

When Jason stepped back in, so had his feelings. Yet, he could see it in Garth's eyes and he could see it in the other's. He could feel it in his own bones between the twists of DNA. For him, for them, he had stepped aside. He had said nothing. He had let them be happy while he was alone. Then his first encounter with the flowers had happened. They twisted up his throat like a beautiful sickness and somehow, he did find solace in how they looked. 

For so long, that was all he did.

As more and more flowers had risen, it soon became impossible to hide and Garth pried at him. He wanted to know. Concern had shown in his eyes and shame curled in his chest. Kaldur knew what would happen if he spoke the truth. It was evident in everything around him and he couldn't let that happen. Hadn't King Orion always told him to be not be selfish? That he was supposed to have responsiblities? This had been one of them. Garth was his best friend and he cared for him deeply. He wanted nothing more than for him to be happy and despite how annoying Jason could be.......he was a good person, or at least Kaldur knew he would take care of him.

That was the first time Kaldur had lied to Garth and the first time he had the flowers removed.

There had been no flowers for Tula, not at first. 

At first he had been able to hold her close and press his forehead to hers with a surety that he had never experienced before then. His heart had sped up when he saw her. Beautiful was the word that would constantly come to his mind the moment he saw the shine of her red hair or the way his chest felt warm when he held her hand. Looking back on it now, he knows that he loved her. Even without the flowers, he knows this because despite everything and despite all that had been said.......he remembers.

He remembers the flowers starting to suddenly spill over his tongue one night during dinner.

Alarms had blared through him, tearing a white hot path through his thoughts and whatever he was about to say. It had been completely forgotten within an instant as he raced from the dinning room and to his own room with his mother following. They rarely had dinner together. For him to interupt would not make the her happy. That hadn't been his concern. His concern had been on the lone flower he had coughed up his throat and into the palms of his waiting hands. A single, white flower with crumpled petals that feel between his shaking fingers.

Perhaps he should have known the moment it had happened. He hadn't loved anyone else.

'I finally have a boyfriend who puts me first.'

The words were like a brand in his mind. Hot, burning, and cruel in how it seared itself into his memories and into his thoughts. Kaldur had always tried to put her first whenever he could. Guilt had gripped his chest and he could taste the acidity of shame at the back of his throat mixing with the, then, familiar taste of metals. He needed to leave. To go somewhere away from there, but that hadn't been an option. Almost immediatly after both Tula and her new friend---her new boyfriend had been in danger. Despite the saliva stained flowers he had left on the ground, he still had a job to do. And he had done it, he had saved them, then Garth helped him with the aftermath. Only then was he able to find some sort of peace in getting those flowers removed as well.

He wished his body was normal. Then maybe he wouldn't remember loving her despite losing the feelings. It makes the pain more real.

After that, there had been Opal. He had always been told that the third time was the charm, but he knows now that the saying was wrong. He should have learned his lesson the first time around. Kaldur knows that now, but he didn't then. He had thought that maybe something would be different. Maybe something would go better despite his battered heart, no matter the lack of old loves for it to cling to emotionally. It had conspired with his mind to do it mentally. Still, he had hoped, however naive that might have been.

She was the same as before.

Looking at him for what he could do and not once for who he was. She clung to what he could do, attention glued to the people around him and not him. Never him. He was simply the second half of the prize that she really wanted. From that, there was no way that she could truly love him.There was no love in it.

Those flowers tasted just as sour as Tula's had, but at least they weren't tinged with betrayal. Instead, they held the salt and bite of lies resting between the petals. Having them removed made him feel like he could finally breathe properly. 

He never wanted to fall in love again. It never went right for him. 

It only ever lead to pain which still scarred his memories even if the emotions had decayed like dying flowers pulled from his ribcage. Really, he should learn to never say never. The impossible found him on a daily basis so of course the universe would deem something else to be appropriate because then...…

Then, there was Roy Harper.

Meeting Roy had been unwanted, liking him had been unintended, growing close to him had been unexpected, but loving him..... loving him was unforgettable.

Kaldur wanted to reject him immediatly, to shy away from anyone who might come too close after so much pain. After the feeling of lonliness that had overcome him as Garth had left him on his own. Back then, he had convinced himself that it was for the best. It would be quiet between himself and his grief struck between each smile and precise word that would fall from his mouth in place of petals and flowers that had once filled it to the brim, but he had fallen too quickly. His heart made haste from his chest to rest itself within Roy's palm where he prayed that he would be blessed enough for once as to not have it shattered.

All Roy had to do was smile at him one time and the flowers bloomed, a petal to fall from parted lips and gasps of air to quicken in pace. He had fallen before he knew it and now he and his soul were wrapped in vines with lillies and roses sprouting from his throat. It was only a matter of time.

"---r?"

His fate had been sealed before he had even known.

"'---ur?"

"Kaldur!?"

Snapping from his thoughts, ocean green eyes in tandem with the flowers which loved to pour from his lungs snapped to Roy's face hovering across from him. "Yes? What is it, Roy?"

"You seemed to have spaced out there."

"Apologies, I was lost in thought, what is ---"

Kaldur can hear the concern in his voice, could recognize it blindfolded. It laces in with his words and sticks to the vowels somewhat in such a way that it hilights his habit of carefully choosing his words. Its how he knows that something is amiss. Its how he finds himself sitting up straighter in his seat. The fact that they are at their favorite restuarant doesn't matter. He is immediatly alert, but he doesn't need to be cause as he shifts, the mulit-colored petals fall to the ground---save for the ones nestled in Roy's palm. They are tinted in color and he goes from alert to alarm almost instantly upon seeing them.

How could he have spaced out that badly!?

Roy steps closer, the worry creasing his face."You coughed these up when you were 'lost in thought' and I'm worried. Isn't it weird for an Atlantean to cough up flowers?"

A laugh leaves him, nearly chocking on the end as he feels the garden in his stomach twist and attempt to strangle the one within his lungs.

"Do not worry, it is an Atlantean thing. It will pass. It is not life threatening."

It's not a total lie, he tells himself. Kaldur knows it has the potential to become fatal, he knows this well. But just this once, he doesn't want to have flowers ripped from his sternum and emotions slong with them. Just once, he wants to bask in the warm of the sunlight and as Roy looks at him and his convincing slowly eases him with promises to get checked out and by an Atlantean doctor---- he feels as though the sun's beam is directly on him at the same time the ground begins to shake and trouble makes itself known. Before he has a chance to take a breath or to stand, he can taste the bitter pang of iron slithering its way up his throat.

As Roy rushes into the action, Kaldur finds himself heaving over the ground and struggling to breathe. He's let the flowers grow for too long. He knows this, but he doesn't stop it as roses battle their way up his throat with the help of the coughing that leaves red droplets of blood splattering the cement. They don't come up one at a time, but several all at once in a slow and painful scrape along the inside of his throat, leaving him feeling raw and hot tears blur his eyes. Whatever threat there is, it is far away and everything sounds like its coming through a long, winding tunnel.

When the roses finally splatter to the ground, Kaldur thinks that at first that they are red, before he realizes, with a gut-wrenching twist of his insides, that they were, in fact, originally white. Their stems and thorns are knotted together into a clumping ball and he forces himself to his feet. He doesn't register Roy's gaze on him, he doesn't notice much at all before he is drawing his waterbearers and turning towards Roy motioning for him take the lead in hopes that his throat will heal as quickly as he usually does. If he tried to talk now it would not end well.

He avoids stepping on the roses all the same as he joins in on the fight.

What was that saying about flowers and thorns, again?


	2. Unrealized

By the time the fight had finished, Kaldur was more than prepared to forget about the flowers. His throat felt scrapped clean. It was as though the thorns had drug every possible word that he could have attempted to speak in regards to his feelings, dragging them from his lips in the form of the red that stained the concrete by the table they had vacated. 

Kaldur knew that wasn't the case, however. Those words were already lost to him, lodged somewhere between the ever present garden growing in his chest and trying to strangle him to death.

What words could he ever hope to use?

They all fell short and when bright ocean blue eyes caught the sight of his partner, transfixed beneath the sharade that he played, anything he might have said dried up on his tongue. Where could there be hope of feelings being returned? How could he scrape out his own insides and present his battered heart to the human he trusted with his very life, but wasn't sure if his heart was safe in his grasp?

He was fairly certain that the flowers were doing a good enough of a job of scraping him clean from the inside out, he thought bitterly.

This scene had been played too many times for his liking already, he didn't want to suffer it again. It would be simpler just to get the flowers removed....but he couldn't. Not this time. He couldn't bring himself to lose the warmth that filled him whenever he managed to make Roy laugh or when Roy would pull that sound from his own chest. The heart-fluttering fondness he felt when his partner did something so very.........Roy-like.

Kaldur had fallen in too deeply, too quickly, he knows. By the time he realized it, he was already prepared to drown in his own hellish garden.

Because really, what better way to go than choking on the taste of his own unrequited love as it suffocated him?

His voice is a ringing sound through the quiet after the fight as he turns to look over the fallen villian, pressing his voice out in a way that the gravel undercoating it hopefully sounds like its just from struggle. The last thing he needs is Roy to look too closely into the flowers. Not that there is not much hope there either. Kaldur knows him well enough at this point that as soon as the other has the chance then he will dig into the illness himself. Then there will be questions pouring from him that Kaldur is unprepared to answer unless he wighes to blatantly lie. Or fall back on straight up avoidance.

Its going to be worse than The Light or Darkseid. He's just going to call it now.

"You would think they would learn not to mess with us." He's laughing, but he doesn't feel it. Its like an echo inside the hallow chamber that his chest feels like despite the lillies pressing harshly against his ribcage.

Roy doesn't say anything, just looks at him. Kaldur can feel the jangel of his nerves as he runs a hand over his hair, eyes drifting only for a split second to the overturned table that once held onto the drinks they had been enjoying. He's not nearly as bummed as he wishes he was. If he was then it would mean that his stomach wasn't churning like the crashing waves of the sea, as though he had jumped through something at warp speed and there is no ground under his feet to land on.

"Think we have time to run off and get some food before the League calls us? Never stays peaceful for long." Fighting to fill the quiet, fighting so that Roy can't ask the questions that Kaldur can read in the spaces between his muscles and how his eyes are locked on him. He still hasn't said anything when Kaldur stops his movements to stand in front of him.

One tick of the seconds goes by, then two, then three.....

Kaldur's smile finally falters.

Roy finally speaks.

"Kaldur, you're obviously sick. I think that you should talk to someone in Atlantis." There is that tone in his voice that Kaldur can recognize. He knows it, feels it in his bones and he doesn't like it. Despite that, he presses the smile onto his face even harder. Letting it slip is not an option. He knows how he is affected when he is sick, he has experienced it first hand, but he can't get checked out. If he did, then they will want to remove the flowers and he can't let that happen. He can't rip the roots out of his heart again, even if they are tying tight around his throat like a noose. Their grip gets tighter with every passing day, hour, minute, sceond. It's as though he can feel the tendrils caressing the tender skin of his throat as they squeeze the life out of him.

No, its not an option. Not this time.

He can't lose this. He can't. He's lost so much already, given up so much and been so selfless.

Isn't that what King Orion had taught him? Isn't that what has been drilled into his head? All those times he had wanted something and been a child that could do more than anyone could ever imagine. He remembered every single scolding he had received for being a child and having fun with his gift, of needing to use it for important things only. Kaldur hated being selfish, hated that so many people saw him as that despite all that he poured into what he could do. He'd learned to put on a serious front, one filled with confidence and obidience and bravery that he didn't always feel.

He'd only been a scared teenager when this all started.

At least let him keep this, at least let him hold onto this piece of sunshine. Even if it meant it would drag him into his grave. Let him be selfish. Just this once. That's all that he wants.

"You worry too much, my friend." Kaldur's laugh comes with his words to slide back down in an odd sense of how wrong the tone is even wrong to his own ears. It's off somehow that he doesn't know how to place or correct. His armor is cracked in a way that really only Garth has seen the full extent of for years and King Orion has had a few glances at. He allows himself to wonder for a moment if Roy is aware that he wears armor around the most vulnerable parts of himself at all times. Or if all he sees is what Kaldur tries to portray to the rest of the universe.

A hero. An stoic and serious teenager.

Someone who is brave and confident and someone who takes everything too seriously. Just a hero who has a 'special' gift and supposedly relies on it too much, when he has actually picked up plenty of things from Superboy and others on how to fight his own battles. He just chooses to keep those lessons to himself, using them instead to protect his fragile heart. He tries to portray someone who cannot be bothered by the opinions of others, knowing he comes off as arrogant and in some things he knows he is, but he has stared death in the face from a young age. It's impossible to stop that from molding you.

He's smarter than they give him credit for, better at acting than most people think. Kaldur has known how to swallow his fear or he will choke on it, like stones, since that first summer. Training is what he enjoys more than studying, but that doesn't mean he's dumb, though he has been told by those realize that he still sells himself short. Still, he lets them believe it. Maybe that would be better. Just let them see what they want to see and mold his image around it.

How much has Roy glimpsed through the cracks so far? The Atlantean acknowledges that this is why he hadn't wanted a new partner.

"It's a thing that all Atlanteans go through at some point. Think of it as a badge of honor. Like growing your first beard!"

Kaldur can see where the crinkles appear in Roy's brow even as he coaxes him to walk with him along the pier after the police arrive. "I don't see what this has to do with beards or a badge. Neither of them seem to pose a threat to your health or cause you to cough up odd things, specifically flowers."

"It is just an expression, but I am serious, it's nothing for you to get all worked up about."

Roy is silent as he deciphers that and Kaldur has to swallow the lump in his throat. He's not entirely sure if its a flower or his own heart. He's not sure which would be preferable.  
Especially when Roy growls louder than nessaceray from getting frustrated. Kaldur fights the instinct to flinch despite how it jolts up his spine, making him nearly jump out of his skin when Roy's hand settles on his shoulder. The garden growing inside him springs even further to life, like he can feel the vines starting to spread so that they can wrap around his joints and freeze him in place.

"I don't like seeing you hurting, Kaldur. Don't be stubborn about this."

"I'm not being stubborn!" His frustration starts to creep in over his skin, helping to add to the tiredness lurking just beneath his usually pale green eyes. Before he can stop himself and against his better judgement, he shoves Roy's hand away. Everything in him is keenly aware of when the contact is severed. "You're just overreacting. It's nothing and I have to go."

Retreat. 

The impulse is blazing through him, bright as a supernova. His shoulder burns where Roy touched him as he backs away and turns to leave. Fingers are already beginnning to fumble with his pack for his waterbearers as he can feel his vision blurring already. It's odd because running away, quitting, has never been something he would allow himself to do. Not really. There was too much riding on him. Here, however, it's not quitting even if he is running.

Before he can think of what anything to do, before he can run away to god knows where, Roy's hand shoots out to grab his arm and turns him around. Kaldur tries to hide how the back of his eyes prickle sharply, but from the expression his eyes meet---- his partner has already seen.

It's like a lightning strike straight through his system and they both freeze as Roy actually looks closer at Kaldur. Simply confirming all the signs of fatigue that he had already seen and witnessed during their time together. It has only been getting worse, Kaldur trying to pretend like everything is fine.

Roy obviously isn't going to let that go on any longer.

"Kaldur. I saw." His face softens as much as it can, shoulders sagging in defeat, but the hard set of his jaw says otherwise. This isn't the first time that he has tried to talk to the darker male about whether or not he might be feeling bad. There have been plenty of attempts before and yes, Kaldur recalls all of them. This is simply the only time Roy has seen the flowers and where they come from.

"You need treatment."

Something in Roy's voice gives Kaldur pause. It's like the cracking you would never expect to hear from someone so strong and sturdy. All he can do is stare. There is furrow of pain in the other's eyes, something that Kaldur has never seen before on the archer. Oh, how it must hurt to watch someone you care about self destruct because isn't that what he is asking for? 

To have Roy sit back and watch as his partner unravels.

"......I can't, Roy."

I can't lose you, too.

And before Roy can respond, the arm that he is holding wrenches away and he watches Kaldur jump onto the railing. He's desperate to hold on. How it reads in his expression hurts, cleaves Kaldur open to his core to the point that he has to look away and without another word------ he jumps into the water below, leaving Roy in a figurative cloud of dust and heartache that can't be brought to proper life with words alone.

For long, long moments, all Roy can do is stand there before a force pulls him to his bike and to the cellphone Kaldur had convinced him to get. He never thought he would be using it in a time like this, his own chest aching with what he had just seen in the Atlantean's expression. There is no thinking about it, he calls the only person he knows who might be able to get through to Kaldur.

Garth.

And, while he is at it, he looks up what he has noticed Kaldur has been going through in the WatchTower database. What he finds---- if he were to put it into words, he would be certain that he almost heard the cracking of his heart alongside his increased worry.

Who could Kaldur be suffering this much for?

Irrational anger spears through him at whoever this character may be, wanting to do anything that might be needed to end Kaldur's suffering.

The impulse is nothing new, and it is not a revelation. Or, at least, it should not be. And it's not. Until he realizes that he hurts at the thought of Kaldur with whoever this person is.

Not even realizing that while Kaldur is miles away, every flower pulled from his lungs was grown for him.


	3. I Don't Understand

Garth hadn't been expecting to get a call from Roy, but something had been telling him that there was something off. There was a pit in his stomach that had been pushing him to the point that he was prepared to call Kaldur the moment he had gotten out of class. If he even made it that long. His skin and bones had been pulling at him to leave so that he could contact him and now he knows why. 

The concern cracks through his resolve into his tone as it carries across the line, brows knitting together.

"He's coughing up flowers?......I didn't think that this was going to happen again so soon...."

But maybe he should have suspected, Kaldur has always been someone who cares with his whole being. When he fell in love, it was with everything and nothing was held back even if he tried. That's how he goes into everything, throwing every last piece of himself into whatever he did. He is pretty sure that is the one thing that has kept him alive up to this point, even if it has almost gotten him killed.

A double-edged sword.

"This has happened before? Why was I not told?"

"Relax, it's something that just happens to Atlanteans and its not ususally that bad."

"Usually doesn't typically apply to Kaldur'ahm."

Kaldur has always seemed to be the exception to every rule in the universe. That's something that he learned a long time go, when they were kids. He's also pretty sure that Roy has figured that out, anyone could if they spend enough time around the young adult and just saw what happened. Maybe that is why the universe likes to throw things in his direction so often, attempting to balance it out one way or another. He's not really sure. All he knows is that he needs to head over to the Cave.

"Look you start working out where he ran off to and I will be over there as soon as I can. If we know Kaldur, he's probably found a place where he can be alone for awhile. And Roy.....?"

"Yes?"

"Kaldur has never done anything without some sort of reasoning behind it. And..... the last thing he needs is to be alone."

___________________________________________________

The waterscape is blur around him as he pushes his body to take him farther and farther. He swims over and around people with no hesitation. Every motion is well practiced and precision from years of familiartity. His hero persona has become part of him just as much as his own civilian persona, a natural pull into their nature and as well versed in every aspect in it just as he might know his own breathing. It's the kind of feeling that helps soothe his frayed nerves.

There is a straining under his skin as he pushes himself to go faster, faster, completely blind to where he is going until he comes to a crashing stop on some grass on land. At the same moment, he is sent flying over the ground as he loses his concentration. Pain laces up his spine and rolls inside his stomach as he spits out more petals.

It's always harder to stay in control when he's a complete wreck which is exactly how he feels.

With his thoughts battling it out inside his head and vines restricting his breathing, he flops over onto his back just to stare up at the sky. There isn't a single cloud in sight just as it's been all day and he can't help laughing at himself bitterly. His chest and throat sting.

"Isn't this suppose to be the part where the dramatic clouds roll in and start raing down on me? Make it where I can't see and if I start crying it's just the rain. All that poetic stuff?"  
But of course it doesn't because the universe hates him. He is almost certain of that at this point. After all, it threw all of this at him. It made him a orphan, threw him into the hell of being a hero and giving everything he could for everyone else. It's also because of it that he knows what he could have turned into.

A chocked noise falls from his lips and his cheeks suddenly feel warm, but he's ignoring it. Maybe he can just pretend that it is raining even without a single cloud in sight. Kaldur's not sure that it will work, but here is to trying it, right? He is suppose to be the hero. He can't break and if no one never managed to tear these reactions from him---- this should be a piece of cake.

It's not, though. It's actually so much worse somehow.

The thoughts are closing into what is ahead of him, what fate awaits him if he continues down this road as his cellphone goes off in the grass just a few feet away. It must have fallen out when he went crashing to the ground. Honestly, he doesn't want to answer it. The only reason that he does is that he recognizes the sound as Garth's ringtone and he knows that if he doesn't answer that he will track him down anyway.

Scrambling around, he manages to dry his cheeks and clear his throat just enough to answer the phone. Before he can get so much as a word out, Garth is already speaking.  
"Why didn't you tell me?"

Most would expect that to come out as a commmand, but it doesn't. The words fall from the device in his hands so softly, as though their owner is afraid he might break. Maybe he is already at that point. How long has he been hiding it now? What lengths has he gone to? Sleep, food, stress levels, physical strength, and more have been sacrificed for this and Kaldur is still going. He hasn't admitted defeat yet because it doesn't feel like a choice. He doesn't want it to be a choice.

"Because I can't risk forgetting this time, I just can't."

There is so much to be said in that statement alone because he doesn't want to lie to one of his best friends. Garth has always been there for him and been one of the few people he could trust with anything. If anyone was going to understand what he meant, it would be him. That didn't mean that he wouldn't disagree, but at least it was something. Kaldur has already lied to him once and he stills holds that secret close to his heart and he doesn't know if he would be able to withhold this, too. He's long since been tired of secrets since he was a child and everything he did had to be kept under wraps from other people.

".........Who is it? ------ It's Roy, isn't it?"

Kaldur's breath hitches in how he wants to avoid the question, to run as far away from this as he possibly can manage, but he's frozen. The ice creeps into his blood from beneath too-hot skin with dread settling hard and cold in his stomach. Garth has already seen it and he wonders how often he's caught his eyes drawn to the archer, smile brightening to something far too fond.

"......Yes...."

"......I won't tell him, but you need to, Kaldur. You need to do something if you won't get the flowers removed."

"I know, but .........how do I do that without ruining things? I suck at relationships."

"Not really, you just have really bad luck. You put everyone else before yourself, Kaldur, even if a lot of people don't notice it..... this time, put yourself first and tell him. Okay?"

Sometimes he can't help hating how well Garth has learned to read him throughout the years. All the same, he's thankful for it in all the same breath. Had it not been for him, he thinks that he would have crumbled beneath the weight he's put onto his own shoulders a long time ago.

"I'll try."

He can hear the sigh he lets out at the reply, knows that he wanted some kind of promise, but the hero can't give him that.

"I guess that's all I can really ask for, but I'm serious, Kaldur. If you don't tell him, I will because I can't just let you go on like this."

Before he can even get in another word, he hears the call of his name and he knows that he has been found. It's stupid to think that he never would be, but couldn't it have waited another hour or so? Couldn't he have been given a bit more time? A bit more breathing room so that he could figure out the words to say. As it stood, his mind drew a blank as he caught sight of Roy only so many strides away. Garth was right, his luck was downright shit because of course things would be started before he was ready. On some far off bitter thought, he wonders if his luck will work with him this time and the ground will open up and swallow him whole.

He doubts it, though.

And of course, it doesn't.

"I have to go. Roy found me."

"I'm on my way, too. And, Kaldur ..... You need to tell him."

"I know..... I just don't know how."

Garth doesn't get another chance to say anything else as Kaldur hangs up and Roy is getting even closer. He can't even fully imagine what he must look like with eyes tinted pink and tired, shoulders drooped, dirt stains across his knees and hands from his crash. Really, he must look pathetic. Rather than anything of the hero that he tries so hard to portray for everyone around him.

"You found me pretty fast."

He can hardly even keep his voice as steady as he would like.

"I followed my instincts and Garth's advice."

"Of course you did. How lucky for me."

The sarcasm was coated all over those words. All the same, he remains laid out on the grass and doesn't bother getting up. Instead, he just gestures for Roy to take a seat. At the very least, nobody can say he can't take things in stride. He doesn't want to sit there and he has the itching urge to get up and run again as far and fast as he can, but he knows that Roy will only follow because isn't that what he always does? The other always has his back and follows after him quickly and swiftly, even catching his arm to keep him from falling.

Kaldur just isn't sure that he can catch him this time.


	4. Finally

The words are stuck in his throat like a fresh batch of flowers before Roy even has a chance to say anything else because Kaldur knows where this has to go and the end that is barreling straight toward him. There is no escape this time. He can't run anymore because there is only so much ground that he can cover and he knows all too well by this point that it would only be temporary. Roy would just run after him like he always does, following over the waters that he swims in. Kaldur has grown so used to the presence of the archer at his side that it is hard to see it any other way. Besides, he knows his partner too well by now.

If only he knew him enough to know what his answer would be.

"I'm going to take a wild guess and say that Garth told you at least some about the flowers."

It was the only thing that made sense, otherwise he's pretty sure that he would have more questions than simply looking at him as he leans back into the grass and still doesn't get up. All he can read for certain is the concern in the other's gaze.

"Yeah, it's a disease that causes the victim to expel flowers when they are in love with an individual who does not love them back. If the feelings persist and treatment is not given then the victim can die..... Kaldur, why haven't you got help?"

Kaldur doesn't catch the question at first, instead stuck within his own thoughts before it hits him in the chest hard enough to knock his gaze to the partner he's grown so attached to. Tracing his eyes over his face, the hero can read the stress and concern there. After being around him for so long, Kaldur knows how to read Roy's face--- but there's still a jumble of emotion there that he can't quite make out, it's new and all he can tell for certain is that it's an over all unhappiness that makes his heart ache.

And he is the one that put that expression there with how selfish he is being. The least he can do now is let the truth out even as the words tangle around his tongue as if they themselves won't dare be spoken. It won't stop him.

"Because I've had it before and I know how much I'll lose and I can't lose this, Roy, I ---"

He's cut off by a cough, flowers caught in his throat and forcing him to roll over and hack into the grass and dirt. It feels like the flowers knew, knew that he wanted to spill his guts to the one they were growing for and decided it was the perfect time to present themselves, thorns and all.

It's hard to be surprised by the sight of his own blood staining the grass when he's so used to it by now, but Roy isn't as he rushes over in concern and helps Kaldur to his feet and doesn't let him go as he teeters. The longer this goes on, the less strength the hero has.

When the wrinkled petals are left to lay on the ground stained with his own blood, Kaldur finds himself falling back into his partner's arms. His own skin is more feverish than usual, hilighted by Kaldur's own higher body heat, but he doesn't mind. Being this close is nice despite the context of the situation as he tries to catch his breath between the sour tang of flowers on his tongue and works to make out the expression on the archer's face before he's speaking.

"Kaldur...... who are these flowers for? Who would you suffer so much for?"

The responding silence hangs in the air heavily, as if it can stiffle both of their breaths and Kaldur's racing thoughts. He can feel his throat throb around the words, roots strangling him and he starts heaving all over again. Roy is already there to help him, rubbing his back until another flower plops wetly into his own open hands. It looks so innocent among all of this before Kaldur gives his answer in way of handing the flower to the lighter male and giving him a broken smile.

There is too much energy needed to try and appear strong in this moment, aware that he probably looks pathetic to his partner that pauses before looking between him and the flower. As if he could ask the question of whether or not he meant it.

He can only nod and watch as Roy takes a breath, wind catching in his chest to try to process that who he had once been angry at was himself.

He feels like a fool, like he should have seen the signs that Kaldur's flowers were meant for him, but it's nowhere near the fear that Roy has revolting inside his chest between the lessened weight of flowers as Roy realizes that he's been more of a fool than he could have ever thought.

"I love you, too, Kaldur."

As though to prove his point, Roy leans forward to press against Kaldur's lips. There's the shared taste of flowers between them, but it doesn't slow how they draw themselves closer to one another and Kaldur almost feels like the flowers are blooming into thin air as weight lifts from his chest and another flower catches in his throat.

It's the only thing that has him turning to cough it into the grass, pausing at Roy's gaze.

"They.... take time to clear up....... if you mean that. I don't want to get them removed. Especially not now."

Roy looks hesitant, but he pulls Kaldur further into his arms and rests his head against the Atlantean's as if to treasure the closeness now that the awareness of his feelings has knocked his thoughts around enough to become so blaringly obvious---- he doesn't know how he didn't see it before.

"I will still be keeping a close eye on you to make sure."

"I won't mind that"

Guess he got caught in the end. Just as he's always been with Roy right behind him


End file.
